Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Awesome book. Every page has something notable and applicable. My wife and I use it and it has definitely helped us regarding our communication. Can't recommend it enough

Good book to how to handle difficult conversations. I definitely recommend it. Easy to read and useful for personal growth.

The Authors: The Harvard Negotiation Project (A.K.A. People who think logic works on your toddler). ​ Do you love the feeling of swallowing your pride until you choke? Do you enjoy pretending that your coworker’s absolute incompetence is just a "difference in working styles"? Then boy, do I have the book for you. ​ From the ivory tower geniuses who brought us Getting to Yes (the book that convinced us we could negotiate world peace if we just used enough Venn diagrams) comes this updated guide to handling the moments in life where you actually just want to scream into a pillow. ​ The Premise The book assumes that human beings are rational actors who, when presented with a "Learning Stance," will stop being defensive jerks. It suggests that instead of winning an argument, we should try to understand the other person. ​Gross. ​ The "Method" The authors break down every argument into three layers: ​ The "What Happened" Conversation: Where you have to pretend you don't know exactly who left the milk out. ​The Feelings Conversation: Where you have to acknowledge that the other person has emotions, even though their only emotion should be shame. ​ The Identity Conversation: Where you realize you aren't the hero of the story. (Speak for yourself, Harvard). ​ The "Updates" This third edition is updated for the modern era, addressing things like social media. Finally, a chapter on how to use "I statements" when a stranger on Twitter accuses you of having the IQ of a ham sandwich. It also covers "communicating via technology," which I assume is just 20 pages of advice on why you shouldn't break up with someone via Snapchat. ​ The Verdict Difficult Conversations is an incredibly useful, well-researched, and practical guide that completely ruins the joy of righteous indignation. ​ It forces you to be the "bigger person," to "disentangle intent from impact," and to "listen." It’s exhausted me just typing that. If you actually do what this book says, your relationships will undoubtedly improve, your work life will be smoother, and you will navigate conflict with grace. ​ But you’ll miss the sweet, sweet dopamine hit of just yelling, "Because I said so!" ​Rating: 5/5 stars for effectiveness; 0/5 stars for letting me be petty. ​ Key Takeaways for the Reluctant Adult: ​The "Third Story": The book suggests framing a conflict from the perspective of a neutral third observer. I prefer the "My Story," where I am right, and you are wrong. ​ Curiosity: You are supposed to be "curious" about why your employee is underperforming. Note: "Are you actually kidding me?" does not count as curiosity. ​ The Cost: The price of this book is $20, but the real cost is having to admit that maybe, just maybe, you are part of the problem. ​Next Step: Would you like me to roleplay a "Difficult Conversation" with you so you can practice these techniques (or just vent)?

This book is so shallow that it works for both babies and adults. I absorbed what I needed reflected and now I'm ready for my next read.

This book was for a college course. It was what I needed and I learned a lot. I'm going to go back and read it again when not in a rush with classes.

This should be added to your list of books to read. The author provides insight and valuable tools for handling conversation topics that may be awkward or problematic. Geared towards the work place, but the strategies are valuable in all relationships.

First published in '99 and updated last year, this is another book coming out of the Harvard Negotiation Project. Decades ago, the classics "Getting to Yes" and "Beyond Machiavelli" - focused on interest-based negotiation - were influences on the way I evolved approaches to interview and interrogation. This book on the other hand is for everyone with guidance broadly applicable across personal and professional interactions. Although I'm very familiar with the Harvard Negotiation Project, and having over the years become a certified mediator and a formally trained Crisis Negotiator, the way the authors presented fundamental principles from interest-based negotiation and the active listening approach to working with persons in crisis integrated into everyday situations is easy to read and effective. I think this is a book everyone should read, the advice given being relevant to difficult conversations at home, at the workplace, and in just about any setting you can think of. Highly recommended.

Can’t even read this book… the text is in GRAY and hardly visible. Publishers saving cost on ink??????

I appreacheated the high-value information contained in this book and, in spite having read it only once, I retained a lot of useful strategies to cope with difficult conversations. Surely I will give it a second, third and maybe fourth read since, while the authors aptly structured the whole strategy in sections and chapters, there are plenty of suggestions and examples that might easily apply to our ordinary life and help us being prepared for the worst (even if you are really never ready when the flame of discussion heats up and your emotions might throw fuel other than water upon it). Highly recommended read for sure!

The book came with the cover torn off from one side

Very interesting book! Highly recommended!

Extremely recommended for both professionals and private persons alike. Very well written and thought provoking, makes you struggle with your own perceptions and ultimately change how you think if you're open to it.

Il libro ottimo e molto interessante lo consiglio. La rilegatura decisamente pessima. Il libro perde fogli. Questo aspetto mi induce a dare solo tre stelle.