Come as You Are: the bestselling guide to the new science that will transform your sex life: 1

Very interesting and I'm only half way through. Really helps me understand why me and partner look at sex differently and how we can enjoy greater intimacy

Ok when I saw the tile of this book it thought probably what everyone else though about this book. (Ok the introduction and chapter 8 and appendix one might be, but the rest is science over myth), If it did not come so highly recommended from a respected friend of mine from uni. I probably would not every given it the first look. Read is as some "light reading" doing her PhD in Psychology. So of course she decided to experiment on her friend to get a male perspective on the book. So let me get this out of the way first. No!! This is not a collection of sex stories. There are actual case studies. They are not written to be provocative but to understand the feeling or the accelerators and the breaks. Thought Emily does quote a number of scientific theories and is by her own admission a "nerd" (no judgement I have been a proud geek for years), you do not have to be to understand the book, it is written in an easy to read way. I found there is a lot of truth to this book, and even though it is written primarily for women in mind I think both me men and women can lean a lot from it and will see traits of both in the case studies. I also think there are some very important messages in this book the main one being the first like and echoed through out the book "you are OK. You are normal. You are not broken". Usually when ever we do not fit the mold or something does not live up out our expectations one of those three thought does through our heads. the other messages that she tries to show us are the messages we are bombarded with through out our lives the "that is wrong", "you should look like this", or "that is not normal". I quite like the idea of celebrating differences then persecuting people for them. This is a great book with a lot of insightful theories, and science against myth and breaking down some pretty big wall. theories of sex ans psychology have been linked since Sigmund Freud, as some theories have moved on others we still have so much to learn about in others. A great book that should be read by everyone, and commented on what you agree with or disagree with.

Very informative book that makes you think and reflect on not just your own sexuality but the sexuality of society as a whole. I picked this up (after reading some reviews) with the intention of trying to give my SO (who has some body image and anxiety issues) a little bit of a confidence boost. I began reading the first chapter to make sure this was a legitimate book and not some unfounded claptrap (like a lot of self help books). Suddenly I was half way through the book and thoroughly engaged. This book is obviously aimed at women but as a man I feel this could actually teach you a lot about your female partner. A theme that crops up in the book is the pressure a woman can feel to perform for a partner who craves their "love" which creates the adverse effect of reducing the woman's desire for intimacy because they feel pressured to do so. This is fine for the woman realising this by reading it in this book but without the partner learning it, it would still be a one sided realisation so I recommend reading this together as a couple. I wish there was a book in the same vein aimed for the male partner or even a book that encompasses both sides in a relationship. The book so far has been a thoroughly interesting read backing up the science with evidence provided by past researchers in the field and dropping their names so you can look them up yourself if you want further reading. The science is explained plainly and with some extremely easy to understand metaphors. The rat and the lemon section for example was like a realisation of something you kind of always knew but when spelled out to you that human brains are not as complex as you might have assumed it seems so obvious once it is explained plainly how we tick. Each chapter even has a TLDR section at the end to recap and summarise the previous "lesson" or "message" the chapter is teaching you. If I can summarise the messages I am getting from this book it is that no matter what problems you feel you have in your love life or with your body (and so many people seem to have such a variety of issues which this book gives examples of) it is that you don't have a problem at all and you are not broken you are completely normal and there are scientific explanations to explain why you are experiencing what you perceive to be problems. If you want to unravel the ball of string in your mind that is your own perception of your or your partners (or societies) sexuality so you can see both ends of the string (and everything in between) I recommend this book. If you are a couple with a healthy sex life or a couple experiencing a perceived rough patch I would recommend this to both parties as it could improve anyone's understanding of their and others sexual self. My reason for four stars rather than five is the same reason given as others was that at some points you feel like you are about to get an answer to one of your specific perceived issues (the reason you bought the book) and then the author will say "more on this in chapter 5" which can be frustrating but it definitely keeps you reading and learning more than just the specific issue you were looking for an answer for. This does make you learn a lot more than why you probably bought the book so it is beneficial to you, but if you wanted a quick answer to "why am I like X" it might frustrate you, but carry on reading and you will learn a lot more than you thought you would.

Great book and id recommend to any man that wants to understand female sexuality and i write that as a man, a coach of men and a couples counsellor. If you are in a long term relationship with mismatched desire, this can help give much needed insight and ideas to help improve things. My only criticism and its minor is the author’s feminist views leech trough in a few places. I don’t disagree with her views on past a d some present male behaviour however the red pill movie and much reading around the more radical third wave feminism cant help leave me feeling that the issue is more complex. Id like more men to read this book and yet anything that pushes them away as opposed to draw them in is not going to help. Just my views. However, I respect the author’s views and these didn’t get in the way of what i feel to be an excellent and well researched book.

I found this book to be a fascinating insight into a persons individual psychology, makeup, experiences and how these can impact on your sex life. I had to read it in bursts then take a break to give myself time to assimilate each new and unexpected discovery of research and science. All of which are completely opposite to what you have been raised to believe. It really feels life changing and empowering to know these things. I wish I had read this as a teenager! I also really enjoyed how it was written. Her style of writing is very fresh and chatty. I actually found myself laughing aloud at several points as the writer is so funny. What could have been a dry or preachy book is really enjoyable and heartwarming. Loved it.

Ce livre offre une vision nouvelle sur le sexe, que ce soit dans notre rapport personnel à celui-ci ou avec son partenaire. Il remet à jour nos idées datées sans que nous en ayons eu conscience jusqu'à la lecture de ces lignes. Il y a certes cette idée de "all body is beautiful" qui n'est pas très français comme manière de penser mais c'est juste pour renforcer l'idée d'une normalité dans la diversité, à nous de l'accepter en partant de ce constat. Bref, un livre très nouveau et sympathique qui me permet d'elargir ma connaissance sexuelle.

If you read only one book on human sexuality, make it Come as You Are. This isn't your standard sex book. There are no promises here that learning one trick will drive you or your lover wild. But there is a lot of science, presented in an approachable manner, that provides great insight into how people work sexually (and, to be honest, in general as well). The book's stated audience is women, but I think anyone can benefit from the science that Nagoski covers in her book, regardless of sex. Sure, if you are a guy you'll read some things that don't directly apply to you, but I recommend you read this book anyway. It is that important. Why? Because what this book teaches you is immently important to your health, your sexual well being, and just general understanding of how you, and those you are intimate with, work. For instance, Nagoski's discussion of the dual control model, or the "brakes" and "accelerator" of arousal, provides an understanding of people can have a different level of arousal for similar events. Nagoski also talks about how stress impacts your arousability, and how stress can affect level of arousal differently for people (some people more aroused, others much less). She discusses how stress worked in the past for humans (when running from lions, for instance), and how we no longer allow stress ourselves to complete the full stress cycle. This discussion of how we, as a society, don't allow stress to complete the cycle is important, regardless of how it affects your sex life. I thought her point of how our method of dealing with stress is to avoid stressors, when it would be much healthier to learn to allow the stress cycle to complete, spot-on and more sensible than the common advice to avoid stress. One important item the book covers is genital nonconcordance, or how the brain and genitals can react two very different ways to the same stimulus at the same instant. I'd argue that it is important not only for couples to understand that, but individuals, both men and women, and for society at large. Why? Because we have this assumption that the genitals are the best, or the only way, to determine if someone is turned on, and it has dangerous repercussions in our society. I'd love to point to any particular section and say that it is the most important section. But I can't. Nagoski has provided a whole book full of facts, research, and understanding that makes it impossible to say any one part is more important. The whole book is important. I doubt you'll get through the book without wondering, "why haven't I learned this before?" Why haven't I learned this before? Because no one told us. But Ms. Nagoski has, in an very approachable, and very readable book. Please, consider purchasing it, and highlighting it. Mark it up and dog-ear it. I honestly think that this book is that important to your, your health, and that of our society at large.

One of the most difficult things for men to understand is the female mind.. Especially her sexual mind.. There are no clues and usually she just doesn't talk about it because she doesn't know about it. Ahe feels it but doesn't know what it is. This book attempts to provide a logical reasoning and explanation about the female sexual mind... Well written with plenty of examples and a few exercises. It will definitely help your sex life

Interesting understandings

È scritto davvero benissimo, ne vale la pena. Lo farei leggere a chiunque sia o abbia relazioni con una donna. Inoltre molti concetti di estendono anche a situazioni che vanno ben oltre la sola sfera della sessualità. Scorrevole, interessante e mai banale o noioso, ma allo stesso tempo istruttivo e "Eye opening"