The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

I'm not all that big on self-help books, although I've also read some of Dr. Gray's Mars/Venus books to help me better understand how and why men and women are so different, and to embrace those differences and re-learn communication and conflict-resolution skills. This book by Dr. Chapman is entirely different and just as effective, in a different way. My boyfriend's son had sent it to him a year before we met, when he (my BF) and his wife were about to split up, hoping that it might help and maybe they'd reconcile. My BF read it cover-to-cover, loved it, learned from it, and, while it didn't save his marriage (his wife was leaving him for her new boyfriend no matter what), he highly recommended it to me and I bought it the next day. Wow, am I glad I did! It's an easy read and makes so much sense. We all have our own "love language" - and if our partner doesn't know it, and expresses his/her love a different way, it may not be the way that we need (and vice versa). My love language is Words of Affirmation (there are 5 major languages, and we all have one primary language that our partner should learn, and we should learn our partner’s). So when he tells me how much he appreciates me, loves me, tells me I look pretty, what a great mom I am, whatever, I positively glow. He also *shows* his love in so many ways, not just with words, so even if he doesn't say it, he shows it, and I appreciate him so much for that (and for so many other things). But because my "language" is Words of Affirmation (probably stemming from my childhood, when I got little to no positive feedback or encouragement), his loving words mean more to me than anything else, even though the other languages are important too. By the way, the 5 Love Languages, according to Dr. Chapman, are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch (in a non-sexual way, such as spontaneously giving an affectionate hug or squeeze on the arm while passing by, bear hugs, sitting with my legs on his lap while we watch a movie, cuddling – yes, guys, cuddling is great and I’m lucky that my BF loves to do it too – and he’s as masculine as they come!). While the other languages are very important, I determined that my primary language is Words. We all have different primary languages. But I realized that, despite his showing me his love in so many ways, if he never again said "I love you" to me, or told me I'm pretty when we go out, or gives me an atta girl when I accomplish something important to me, etc., I'd feel that something major was missing (and in the book you'll read about how we all need our Love Tanks filled and the way to fill them is to speak our partner’s language regularly – that sounds silly maybe, but the book puts it into logical context). Quality time (one of the languages) doesn't mean simply being in the same room watching TV together; it means things like sitting down and talking (and listening) to each other without multi-tasking (texting, glancing at the score on TV, reading the paper, etc.), even if only 20 minutes a day. Important? Absolutely. Acts of Service: I’d bought a house last summer and when my BF was over the other day he saw an 8-foot extension ladder in my family room and asked me about it. I told him that the light bulb in the ceiling fan in my 2-story family room had burned out and I needed the ladder to reach it. The ladder was still there last night and the bulb not yet changed because when I’d climbed up and tried to remove the fixture cover, the screws were too tight so I gave it up that night, planning to go up again the next day with a wrench, pliers or other grip to loosen them, but I hadn’t had a chance to yet. So without a word last night, he got right up on the ladder and unscrewed it for me (I love a strong man!). I was grateful, absolutely, yet I also could have done it myself, so Acts of Service isn’t my primary language, though it’s still important. Receiving Gifts isn't my language either, although of course I appreciate them. Physical Touch: that comes naturally to both of us so it wasn't even a consideration since we both do it regularly. Therefore, Words are my primary language. As for my BF, turns out that's his language too, which doesn't always happen that way; most of us have different love languages. Anyway, sorry to go on and on, but I highly recommend this book, whether you're embarking on a new relationship or want to rekindle an existing one that may need a new spark. My grateful thanks to my BF's son, who sent him the book, otherwise I wouldn't have known about it. (By the way, just learning what each other's language is isn't enough. That's only the first step. From there, Dr. Chapman goes on to share how to actually speak the language, to put it into practice. My relationship was fantastic from the start, and knowing what I know now from reading this well-written book will help ensure it stays that way! So stop thinking about it: Add it to your cart! :) (And thank you, Dr. Chapman!)

First I must say I REALLY enjoyed this book. Me and my husband both. I heard about this book on Moody radio and decided to give it a try because I wanted a better marriage with less fighting and disagreements. I am soo happy I did. This book was right on point for me and my husband. I read it first, then got the audio version for him to listen to, which he did 4 times. It really gave me great insight into my self and my husband. It helped me to understand how to best express my love to my husband in the way he wants and understands most, and he was able to do the same for me. This hasn't been a cure all, but it helps to understand each other much more than we ever have before and we have been together for 18 years. The book is very well written, its an easy read and you should are able to get through it quickly. The change comes with investing time to apply the principles you have learned. I personally had to go through the material more than once to really let it sink it. This has been a small financial but HUGE emotional investment in one of my most important relationships. The knowledge in this book has really help my husband (his words) to better navigate personal relationships, not just with me, as it is intended, but also with his sister, friends and even stranger. I have found I can use this information is so many interactions and encounters with people throughout the day, it really opens you up to a new perspective. Gary Chapman did a great job explaining the details of the love languages. Anytime in conversation with someone complaining of relationship or even just communication issues I make sure to recommend this book. Can't say enough good things about it and we plan on checking out his other books as well.

I've never been one for relationship books and have this image in my head of them being perfectly fine reads, just cheesy, non-enlightening and not for me. I'm reminded of the Saturday my husband and I spent at our pre-marriage seminar with uncomfortable exercises, forced conversations and boring lectures. A healthy marriage is about communication, trust and mutual respect. It's about showing appreciation and gratitude, not judging, complaining and criticizing. I get it. However, I had been hearing a lot about Chapman's book and, without a book in my queue, I decided to give it a shot. I'm gad I did because the 5 Love Languages was a real eye opener for me. I devoured it in 2 days. Chapman says that we identify with one or more of 5 'love languages' that represents the way that we show and appreciate love. 1. Words of Affirmation 2. Quality Time 3. Acts of Service 4. Gifts 5. Physical Touch We love the way we want to be loved. Picking up my husband's dry cleaning (an `act of service') is my way of showing him that I love him. It's my love language. So when he fails to acknowledge my good deed and worse yet, reciprocate with simple chores around the house, I become a resentful nag. My husband, on the other hand, values `quality time'. He'd rather sit and have a glass of wine with me than do the dishes because that's his way of giving love. I realize that i'm the first one to complain about his watching sports or playing golf, when I should instead take an interest in his teams and hobbies. Now I'm not going to hunker down and watch all 166 major league baseball games, but I will root for them. And maybe, just maybe, i'll turn into an honest fan. Yes, much of Chapman's book is common sense, but I appreciate his simple and straightforward style. I don't need all of the science and the research and I'm a sucker for success stories. Working on your relationship should be a priority for all couples and Chapman gives us simple strategies on how to improve not only our communication, but also how to listen to one another and adapt your own behavior.

Loved it

I find this book very good to read. My marriage was fine before I read this book, but before I even finished reading this, my marriage became more than fine...It is now great! This book is not only for troubled marriages but for every couple out there who wants to give their relationship an extra leap towards greater good.

I love the book because it is simple and reach of real life examples. It really help me a lot to see things differently. I advise it to anyone; Married, not married, single or with a boyfriend/girflriend

Wow! I read this little marvel with great interest and found it fascinating. Quite simply Gary explains that we all have primary and secondary languages of love. We show our love for people in many ways, but we each have a language of love which is demonstrated more frequently than others. More often than not, the language of love we display the most, is also the one which makes us feel loved and secure when we are in receipt of it. In order to keep a loving relationship alive after the honeymoon period subsides, we need to match our partner's primary and secondary languages. We each have a 'love tank' which is empty when relationships fail - we don't feel loved. In order to fill it again, our partner needs to display our language of love to us, and ensure they are consistently doing so. The five languages of love are: Words of affirmation (expressing love verbally, giving praise, complimenting, etc.), receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service (doing things to please), physical touch (whether it be sex or just hugs, cuddles, a reassuring touch of the arm, etc.). Gary uses case studies from his long career in marriage counselling to evidence how effective this method of staying together and loving forever actually is. It is reassuring to see that even relationships which would otherwise be considered not worth pursuing and past the point of return, can effectively be rescued and restored to a greater and more rewarding level of love than you could ever imagine. I have learnt what my primary and secondary languages of love are and have also figured out my partner's. It has really opened my eyes. There is a great little on line interactive tool on the 5 Languages website which is fun to use and helps you to figure out which of the five languages of love are your top two. It confirmed I had assessed myself correctly. I'd recommend this book wholeheartedly. If you are about to give up on someone, don't! Certainly not before you have read this little book and put its simple instructions in to practice.

This book is great for people who want to be the best partner they can be in a relationship and hope to get the best from their partner. This book does not profess to be the answer to all marriage/relationship issues, it teaches you to love properly and deeply, and when there is love, most of the other issues disappear. We are a young couple in our late 20s, married for 5 years, and this really helped us with communication and getting back on track. I'd recommend all people to read this as you have no idea that you could be loving your partner in a way that doesn't mean a lot to them. (It'll make sense when you read the book) I loved how the book doesn't make you feel like you're a failure. It's an easy read, easy to relate to and my husband enjoyed the read as well. It'll only really help if both partners read this.