Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men

The premise of Ward's work rests on challenging the common assumption, by both straights and gays, that two straight-identified guys fooling around sexually are either gay or wannabe gays. As Ward discusses, there are a range of situations where there is public willingness to think of such sexuality as being not an indicator of an underlying 'gay': that the sex could be from needing relief when the opposite sex isn't available (e.g., prison, single-sex institutions), as teenage/young adults exploring, or as something akin to sexual abuse. But Ward's work points out that: 1) these reasons ('excuses') serve to trivialize sexual agency, and 2) the existence of these 'excuses' is closely woven in with current essentialist, normative, and identity assumptions about sexual variation. Since discussion of these assumptions is the core of the book, I'll not attempt to summarize Ward's excellent discussion of them, but will note here my own reasons for agreeing with her challenges to those assumptions.By way of addressing Ward's linking of these 'excuses' to gay cultural/political assumptions, I'll share Ward's practice of illustrating the personal understanding of the research by using my own observations and reflections as additional 'data'. As an older (retired) gay male academic who has spent most of his life in urban, gay-identified, centers, I have a regular need to get away from the confining structures that urban life places on the people I interact with. Traveling around remote portions of the Inter-mountain West, I visit natural hot springs and similar rural swimming holes whenever I can. In those situations I frequently encounter men, ranging in age from 20's to 70's, who clearly identify as straight but enjoy some male-male sexual interaction.My observations from those interactions, plus from 40+ years experience as gay activist/academic, have reinforced my critique of the contemporary gay political movement as far too often conflating identity with behavior, and as investing too much in the assumption that all same-sex activity is an indication of struggling to develop a sense of self (an identity) as gay or bi. Having watched young men struggle with coming out, but also having talked with and observed men of various ages who are comfortably straight but interact sexually with other men, it's clear that sexual activity and identity are not necessarily related. For some, the identity is important and that is a struggle, but for many others, sex just happens in all sorts of forms with a variety of partners.Of course, embedded in the assertion that sexual partner mixing 'just happens' are two issues that are problematic for contemporary sexual politics: 1) choice, and 2) assimilation. While Ward's arguments draw into question the beliefs by some that same-sex behavior and same-sex identity are biologically hardwired, there is nothing in Ward's work that refutes the fact that both same-sex behavior and identity are frequently engaged/enacted when the participants clearly know that doing so can result in serious consequences (e.g., arrest) or, in some cultures, death. Clearly a wide range of factors result in behaviors and self-definitions that, while not biologically determined, are 'hardwired'.Regarding assimilation, dominant in contemporary gay politics is a normative paradigm that assumes that if we just had marriages rights, our sexuality would be much like the idealized, dyadic, romanticized, image of heterosexual sexuality. Ward is right that the normative pressures in LGB culture create an investment in NOT acknowledging the same-sex activity of straight-identified and hetero-active men, just as the normative pressures create discomfort with acknowledging the fact that sexual behavior in general does not following the romanticized ideal. Fortunately there are multiple authors besides Ward who are arguing that the gay marriage model excludes far too many.Before closing, it's important to address three other issues that are likely to arise with Ward's work:Whiteness: Ward focuses on the experiences of white men. This tactic makes sense given that cultural assumptions about gay sexuality and particularly about sexual identity are based largely on assumptions about the sexuality of white gay men with, as Ward explains, non-white men being treated largely as MSM (men who have sex with men), not as gay. I wish, though, that Ward had addressed more explicitly the embeddedness of class in the culture's focus on 'whiteness' and 'white sexuality', since the cultural definition of whiteness is very class based.“Sexual violence:” The quotes here are intentional. Ward acknowledges that same-sex sexual hazing rituals and similar activities are likely to be subjectively experienced by many as being akin to degrading rape. BUT, she admirably takes the risk of drawing the comparison to S&M and arguing for the positive acknowledgment of the agentic pleasure that may be experienced by some when in the submissive role.Data: Concerns have been publicly raised about the data that forms a part of Ward's argument. Her analysis of Craigslist postings is used to illustrate the issues involved, but the argument built by Ward goes far beyond the Craigslist postings. Craigslist postings are clearly not the best source for understanding straight-identified same-sex activity, and I disagree with some of her analysis of that, but using that is a reasonable option given the lack of data on the phenomenon. Unfortunately, a fair amount of the publicity for the book focuses on the Craigslist data, which I feel misrepresents the breadth of Ward's argument.Conclusion:Having spent years challenging assumptions about class, whiteness, identity, and sexual expression among the same-sex active, I can attest that the issues Ward has taken on make very many uncomfortable, both general population gays as well as sex scholars. My largest critique of Ward is that, for the key audience of sexual rights activists, the book ends with a blank space – what to do next? The conclusion I drew from the book was a strong need for a push for rights for sexual behavior, regardless of any connection to identity. Ward doesn't provide any guidelines for such a political shift, but she has played an important part in laying the groundwork for a focus on sexual behavior rights.

A very worthwhile read. Well-written & researched. Academic in tone but very readable. Some of the conclusions were a bit far-fetched, but they certainly made you think outside the box.One crucial point: this book is for anybody interested in race / sexuality studies. By focusing on white, straight sexuality and its cultural sphere, the author delves deep into the formation of how whiteness and straightness have been concocted out of a larger swath of human expression, so we end up learning about our society as whole, not just white, straight men.

Let me be blunt: I bought this book as a gay male because it had two attractive guys on the cover and talked about sex with straight men. Tell me more, I thought!I knew I wasn't quite getting a how-to manual, but I didn't expect it to be as much of a work of academic research as it was. As a scholarly work, it is probably excellent. But that's not what I thought I was buying, and it seems like I'm not the first to make this mistake.The premise of the book, quoting from page 5: "[I]n the chapters that follow, I am going to amplify this premise by suggesting that homosexuality is an often invisible, but nonetheless vital ingredient—a constitutive element—of heterosexual masculinity. Taking sexual contact between straight white men as my point of departure, my aim is to offer a new way to think about heterosexual subjectivity—not as the opposite of absence of homosexuality, but as its own unique mode of engaging homosexual sex, a mode characterized by pretense, disidentification, and heteronormative investments. In particular,I am going to argue that when straight white men approach homosexual sex in the "right" way—when they make a show of enduring it, imposing it, and repudiating it—doing so functions to bolster not only their heterosexuality, but also their masculinity and whiteness."This is a really interesting premise, and it's well supported with extensive citations and informative footnotes. If I were to rate the book based on the thesis it sets out to address, it'd be an easy 5/5. But if I were rating it based on how well it met my expectations, I'd have to go with a lower score. I'm splitting the difference and going with 4 stars. If you're considering purchasing the book, I'd encourage you to set your expectations based on the paragraph above, not the photo on the cover.

The book supported my personal theory that sexuality is much more fluid than most of us acknowledge. If you are a believer that in most aspects of life our characteristics follow a bell curve, then you might suspect most people are bisexual. That seems to be portrayed in this book. BUT .... This book was written in a very dry, academic way. (Not that I think it was necessarily researched well as others suggest.) But when you slap a pic of pretty bodies on the front and try to sell it to the traditional reader, then you can end up getting some negative feedback. ... It felt like a book I had to read for a college class, not a book that I as a general reader can easily comprehend and come away with a clear understanding.

As someone interested in the blurred lines of heteronormality and the unspoken trysts that challenge heterosexual male identity, this book was GREAT. It hasn't been since the books by Steven Zeeland in the 90s has someone captured these blurred lines so succinctly and brought them to vivid life. The book certainly raises more questions but, in the meantime, strap yourself in for a read that's alternately intellectual and titillating!

This book was well written and makes a very compelling argument for why straight men have sex with men. It opens your eyes to how it is possible and how long it’s been happening. Very interesting and informative.

As a therapist I found this book very helpful to understand a subject I struggled with - ie Sex between straight men.In recent months I have come to see gender and sexuality in a whole new light. The more I read the more I feel comfortable with none-binary identity and the rigidity (and unhelpful) gay/straight labels. We live in a world of diversity not conformity - lets embrace others and try to understand them and not reject them!

Comecei a ler este livro há uma semana e estou gostando muito. Poderei com esta leitura entender mais sobre o instinto animal sexual do homem, que, mesmo preferindo mulheres, quando necessitados de sexo e desejando algo diferente e ao mesmo tempo na igualidade de gênero, transa com outro homem, comportamento comum na antiguidade romana e grega. Excitante!

Critical and down to earth, this book is essential for anyone studying gender and masculinity.

Even though the view of sexuality presented by the writer might be popular in gender studies, it is quite bold and different from a layman's perspective. Any person open to new ideas about sexuality should definitely read this book. The language of the book and repetition gets tiring some times, but it's all worth when you read the end parts.

An interesting topic, provocative theses, decent research...but awful, really awful writing style. I hope someone with writing skills will pick up on this topic and publish a book that actually engages the reader. The topic deserves better.