The Course of Love: A Novel

Contemporary philosopher Alain de Botton's long awaited second novel follows the relationship between Rabih and Kirsten. De Botton's thesis is essentially this: While most love stories tell us everything we need to know about how love begins, there isn't enough focus in our society on how it continues. Combining Rabih and Kirsten's fictional story with his own insights and commentary on their relationship, De Botton proposes that "enlightened romantic pessimism" is a healthier and more realistic alternative to Romanticism, the latter of which gives us unrealistic expectations of relationships and sets us up for inevitable failure. There's no "right person," suggests De Botton, and in each and every longterm relationship we are doomed to encounter a variety of suffering and unfulfillment; therefore, committing to another person is akin to saying, "I've surveyed the different options for unhappiness, and it is to you I am choosing to bind myself." Whether readers find this depressing or comforting will likely vary. (For me, it was the latter.) Much like De Botton's first novel, many of the insights he provides in The Course of Love are accurate to the point of discomfort. It's not easy to identify with his propositions, yet there is universal truth to them, and there's something distinctly comforting in that. It's always special to read a book -- particularly a work of fiction -- and feel as if the writer is communicating truths about yourself that you've never been able to adequately acknowledge, let alone convey. As a fan of both philosophy and fiction, I find great satisfaction in De Botton's ability to translate profound ideas and insights into accessible and entertaining prose. The Course of Love is a captivating read, but seems as if it would be especially meaningful for individuals in the beginning phases of longterm commitment.

If you have watched Alain de Botton's video summarizing this book (well worth watching), not much in this book will come as a surprise. If you haven't, hold on and prepare to take what you think about love and get ready to throw it out the window. While this novel is not as poetic as his brilliant Art of Travel, it is no less thought provoking. De Botton challenges the reader to reevaluate their views on love, marriage, and parenting. He gives insight into how our preconceptions of the perfect romantic love have set us up for disappointment and frustration. He also offers some ideas on how to have more realistic expectations of our lovers and of ourselves and how important communication is. I have only given this book 4 stars only because it is not the most compelling novel you will read, but it is without a doubt worth reading. I'm not certain that I agree with everything he's written here, but I feel that it's raised many questions in my head that need to be reconsidered in the way I approach relationships going forward. The thoughts presented in this book will be kicking around in my head for months if not years to come.

I really enjoyed this book and recommend it to just about everyone who is interested in the dynamics of a relationship and/or marriage.

I’m not sure how I came by this book but am very gratefully that I did. I have been married for 40 years with two adult children and two young grandchildren and can vouch for the difficulties and challenges in sustaining relationships. This book helped me better understand myself within these relationships and better understand the enormity of love that is way and beyond the thrill and attraction of romance and sex. I play a role in preparing young couples for marriages and also counsel married couples encountering turbulence in their relationship. I’d happily recommend this book to them (though it’s usually difficult removing the rose tinted glasses from couples preparing for marriage - to their “perfect” partner). The book is easy and captivating reading and should be compulsory for all married couples after about 3 years of marriage :-)

I LOVED this little book. It feels like a how to manual for anyone in a relationship or anyone who has been through a long term relationship. I didn’t always love the main characters each for different reasons at different times, but that really depicted an honest feeling as to how they were feeling towards each other at the time as well. Coming in at only 241 pages, it is a quick read kind of. I say kind of because there were many times I had to re-read passages because of how amazing and quotable this story is. Rather than give you a traditional review, I am going to post the books synopsis and give you some of my favorite quotes. I highlighted so many parts of this book that when I was done my list of highlights was over 50 long! The cover of this novel is also very beautiful. I read it on my Kindle but have ordered it to put on my bookshelf. I really think that when you not only love a book but admire its beauty, it deserves a place on your shelf.

Unusual book sTory goes along and then the italics come along as if some narrator from the heavenly Choir is sharing salient insights regarding the story. I felt like skipping the story and just reading the italic paragraphs which were good food for thought. I am a fan of Mr. Debotton.

Once, early on in my marriage, my husband and I had a particularly intense fight over a ridiculously trivial matter. I barely remember the topic – something about where to hang some artwork – but I vividly recall that frightening feeling that I had made a ghastly mistake in joining our futures together. Enter Alain De Botton. I wish I could advise my younger self to have read his book. De Botton employs an everyman and everywoman – in this case, Rahib, a non-religious budding architect from Beirut and Kirsten, a woman who had been abandoned early on in life by her father. Sparks fly and we follow the two of them through the course of love – infatuation, wedding, children, disillusionment, adultery, and finally, maturity. Rahib and Kirsten are just foils for the author’s theme: falling in love is easy but maintaining that love is the real challenge. No one, after all, is perfect. “Rather than split up,” the author writes, “We may need to tell ourselves more accurate stories – stories that don’t dwell so much on the beginning, that don’t promise us complete understanding, that strive to normalize our troubles and show us a melancholy yet hopeful path through the course of love.” Each step of Rahib and Kirsten’s relationship is met with an evaluation – even an analysis – of what, precisely, is going on in their heads. The primal needs of this everyman and everywoman still demand attention as they reach adulthood and parenthood and much of their disillusionment stems from a desire to have the partner magically understand what those needs are…without appearing too vulnerable. There is a problem with presenting the course of love through the eyes of surrogates. This reading experience is bound to be intensely personal, and when it deviates too much from the reader’s own experience, there is a waning interest. My husband, and I, for example, never had kids together, and I found myself not all that interested in Rahib and Kirsten’s parenthood experiences. Yet the conclusions – that Romantic ideas of love are a recipe for disaster and that one can only be in love when one has given up on perfection – is compelling. “Rather than notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate dissimilarity that is the true marker of the “right” person.” My husband and I are still going strong after reaching that conclusion. To my mind, this book should be de rigueur reading for every couple contemplating marriage and every couple who wonders why their own marriage isn’t 100% perfect all the time (which is the vast majority of us!)

One of the greatest books you can read. The The writer is a very knowledgable person in phillosophy, history and god he's a master in psychology! He's the founder of school of life and you can enjoy listening to his talks. He puts very scientific facts in simple words to understand. This book teaches us how a relationship shapes based on our childhood patterns and how we grow in a relationship. He familiarize us with the mistakes of romanticisim, the pathology, the symptoms, and good effective approaches to correct/treat them. All is based on proven scientific facts and the most wonderful part is it being told as a story. Im so happy that I discovered this genious person. Please read reviews from goodreads as well. Enjoy!