The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

Marriage is clearly a troubled institution in American culture, and that includes even among American Christians. The problem is that so often Christians have accepted the world's definitions of marriage. While many Christian books have been written on marriage, Tim Keller's "The Meaning of Marriage" is one of the best. What makes "The Meaning of Marriage" so excellent? At least four things. First, Keller gives a vision for marriage. His main reason for writing the book, in fact, was to give both Christians and non-Christians a vision for marriage. What is Keller's vision for marriage? Keller writes, concerning the meaning of marriage, that "It is for helping each other to become our future glory-selves, the new creations that God will eventually make us." More than this, Keller (in Chapter 6) relates marriage not only to "the dance of the Trinity" but also to Christ's love of the stranger (Chapter 5). The second reason "The Meaning of Marriage" is so excellent is that Keller bases his views on the Bible. Time and again, instead of turning to what the world teaches about marriage, Keller returns to the Bible, especially Ephesians 5. While Keller begins with the Bible, he does more than just quote Scripture: he unlocks its meaning and applies it to our lives. This is what makes his teaching on writing so profound and powerful. While he doesn't cover every possible topic, he does give a theological vision for marriage that will change your marriage for the better or better prepare you for marriage in the future. Third, in presenting a biblical view of marriage, Keller directly challenges the worldly views of marriage, including many that have infected the Church. Among the most popular of these myths is that we should be looking for our "soul mate," in the sense of finding someone we're presently in love with. This view minimizes the importance of the hard work that goes into marital love. Keller also rightly rebukes the idea that we should not go into marriage expecting to change the other person. To the contrary, marriage is precisely for the purpose of sanctifying one another, and Keller demonstrates some of the many reasons why marriage is such a powerful means of sanctification for Christian spouses. Keller takes on many other myths as well, for example, the idea that marriage is primarily for self-fulfillment, instead of mutual sanctification and becoming one with another. Fourth, "The Meaning of Marriage" is both readable and practical. Keller's ideas are rooted in theology but are written in a very readable prose. Most importantly, his book is eminently practical. While it's not a "How To" manual and doesn't give you every detail, he does amply illustrate and explain his major ideas on marriage. So practical is "The Meaning of Marriage" that it's applicable not only to Christian spouses but also non-Christian spouses and Christian singles. He has, for example, a chapter on a theology of singleness (Chapter 7). There are many profound insights in the book. There was little that was new to me as a priest and as a husband who has worked every day on his marriage for 18 years. But there were still many revelations and "Aha!" moments that reminded me of what it was all about and encouraged me to love my wife to an even greater degree. As I'm writing this, she's out of town on a business trip (which she never takes). I can't wait for her to return so that I can begin immediately putting into practice some of the things Keller has taught me. Here are some of his best insights: 1. You never marry the right person. No 2 people are compatible. For this reason, marriage takes a lot of love and work. Also, marriage profoundly changes us! 2. Two-thirds of unhappy marriages will become happy within five years if people stay married. Keller uses this to demonstrate the power of making and keeping a vow. Promising is the key to identity and is the very essence of marital love. 3. Actions of love lead to feelings of love. 4. Marriage is a friendship, and friendship must have constancy, transparency, and a common passion, which, for Christians, should especially be Christ. 5. Each spouse should see the great thing that Jesus is doing in the life of their mate through the Word. And each spouse should then give himself of herself to be a vehicle for this work of God. 6. Your spouse IS the "someone better" you're looking for! This is true if you see him or her in terms of the glory God intends for them, a work to which you are called. There's much, much, more, and each chapter holds its delights and wisdom for the reader. I highly recommend both "The Meaning of Marriage," as well as "The Mystery of Marriage" by Mike Mason! Keller presents his teaching on marriage, based on a sermon series of his, in the following chapters: 1. The Secret of Marriage - how marriage and the gospel relate 2. The Power for Marriage - submitting to one another out of love 3. The Essence of Marriage - covenantal commitment 4. The Mission of Marriage - marriage and mutual sanctification 5. Loving the Stranger - the power of love (all 4 kinds) 6. Embracing the Other - man and wife as one flesh; the Trinity as a model for marriage 7. Singleness and Marriage 8. Sex and Marriage Epilogue and Appendix (Decision Making and Gender Roles)

Timothy and Kathy Keller have provided the world with a biblical, pastoral, scholarly, philosophical, and theological account of marriage better than any that I have seen. I will recommend this book to married couples, engaged couples, and singles for years to come. The traditional account of marriage--the union of one man and one woman entering the bonds of a lifelong covenant relationship marked by fidelity--is by many accounts on the wane. But that does not negate the value accounts such as the Kellers' will have moving forward in to the future. The potential value of their account, which is structured according to the words of Ephesians 5, is perhaps immeasurable for those who choose to apply it, for it is Christ-centered, biblically grounded, eschatologically focused, and practically geared. And as other models of marriage fail, a biblical, Christian account of marriage like Tim and Kathy Keller's will reemerge as a viable and compelling alternative. The structure of the book itself has been noted by other reviewers, and I have noted that the book is an extended treatment of Ephesians 5. Within that exposition, Keller tells us of the secret of marriage (marriage itself points to Christ as pattern), the power for marriage (Spirit-filled Christian people are given the grace to serve and submit to one another in Christ), the essence of marriage (covenant faithfulness as bedrock, rather than sentimentality or utilitarianism), and the mission of marriage (mutual sanctification through a common commitment to Christ). We are also provided with practical wisdom on how to "love the stranger" and "embrace the other". In other words, firstly how do we establish a common spiritual friendship with our spouse, and how does that type of relationship help us in choosing our mates? And secondly, once that mate is chosen, how do we understand and apply the categories of headship and submission within the husband and wife relationship? Chapter six, which deals with headship and submission, is written by Kathy Keller. It is compelling to read--even for those that might not agree with her interpretation and application of the text. And lastly, in chapters seven and eight, the Keller's provide biblical wisdom on singleness and sex. I cannot reiterate strongly enough how excellent this book is for many different types of people--singles, married persons, and persons who are considering marriage. I will recommend it, with the only caveat being a critical and thoughtful approach to chapter six, wherein the notions of headship and submission are explained. Other articulations and expositions of those concepts exists, and it is my counsel for couples to seek other resources on marriage that are biblically and theologically grounded, revisit Ephesians 5, pray together, and talk seriously about how that couple's marriage dynamics best fit their own faithful application of that text. This does not mean that I reject the Keller's account--it simply means that I recommend discernement, prayer, careful theological examination, and biblical study. This book is an incredible resource. I recommend it.

Tim Keller is the pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Manhattan, New York since he planted it in 1989, and the church reflects the city's demographics: approximately 80% of the people (in a church of several thousand) are single. So Keller has a lot of experience in teaching, counseling and shepherding singles in particular. This book had its roots in the early 1990's when he did a series of sermons on marriage because of the skepticism, fear, and arguments that many of the singles in attendance had toward marriage in the beginning stages of the church - and still do today. He also wrote this book to share from his own experiences with his wife Kathy of 37 years and counting. However, most importantly he wrote this book to give a compelling vision of what marriage was designed to look like from the Bible from Genesis to Revelation - from the first marriage of Adam and Eve to the last marriage of Christ and the Church. Keller states in the introduction, "its [the books] primary goal is to give both married and unmarried people a vision for what marriage is according to the Bible." I believe that Keller succeeds in giving a very compelling case for marriage from the three stands above - from his experience, his realistic apologetic of building a case for the benefits and values of marriage, and then giving a compelling biblical vision throughout the book for the beauty of marriage when it reflects the glory of Christ at the center of it all. He does not minimize the difficulties, or the effort and hard work involved in a marriage, but is clear-headed, and cogently eloquent in presenting the "complexities of commitment with the wisdom of God." Here is a sample of an excellent example he gives for submitting to the Bible as God's manual for marriage: "Think of buying a car: If you purchase a vehicle, a machine well beyond your own ability to create, you will certainly take up the owner's manual and abide by what the designer says the car needs by way of treatment and maintenance. To ignore it would be to court disaster...Plenty of people who do not acknowledge God or the Bible, yet who are experiencing happy marriages, are largely abiding by God's intentions, whether they realize it or not. But it is far better if we are conscious of those intentions. And the place to discover them is in the writings of the Scripture." Some of the ambivalent views and objections to marriage Keller elaborates on and dispels in this book are as follows: "Marriage is just a piece of paper that only serves to complicate love" "Marriage was originally about property and is now in flux" "Marriage crushes individual identity and has been oppressive for women" "Marriage stifles passion and is ill-fitted to psychological reality" The Outline of Keller's book is as follows: Chapter One - A rich and deep discussion of Genesis 2 and Ephesians 5 bringing Paul's discussion into today's context and demonstrating "why the gospel helps us to understand marriage and how marriage helps us to understand the gospel." Chapter Two - With great skill and penetrating insight Keller shows how the sin nature resulting in selfishness necessitates the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit in making the saving work of Christ operative in bringing two hearts to beat as one. Chapter Three - He helpfully shows what biblical love is - and what covenantal commitment is all about. Chapter Four - He elaborates on the whole question of what marriage is for: "It is a way for two spiritual friends to help each other on their journey to become the persons God designed them to be...there is a kind of deeper happiness that is found on the far side of holiness." Chapter Five - He talks about the power of truth; the power of love - via affection, friendship, and service all in the context of grace. Chapter Six - An excellent discussion of the Trinitarian roles and how that translates into gender roles in a marriage. Chapter Seven - On Singleness and Marriage. Here is a sample of some guidelines he gleans for singles in relationships before marriage: "Recognize that there are seasons for not seeking marriage." "Understand the "gift of singleness.'" "Get more serious about seeking marriage as you get older." "Do not allow yourself deep emotional involvement with a non-believing person." "Feel `attraction' in the most comprehensive sense." "Don't let things get too passionate too quickly." "...don't become a faux spouse for someone who won't commit to you." "Get and submit to lots of community input." Chapter Eight - A good discussion of sex - realities and misperceptions - and the glory of it when it is practiced the way God designed it. The book closes with a short epilogue and a short, but very helpful discussion on decision-making and gender roles. All the chapters are very well written, have depth and penetrating insight, are logical and clear, balanced in dealing with the "then" and "now" of how the Scriptures apply and always pointing to Jesus at the center of the meaning of life and marriage. Dr. Keller knows what he's talking about and has done an outstanding job of building a great case for marriage in a culture that simply doesn't understand it and hasn't been consulting the Creator's manual and applying it in our marriages. I now have a new favorite book on marriage to recommend whole-heartedly to singles and married couples alike!

In recently preparing for a seminar on “Sex, Love, and Marriage” to be attended by youth and young adults, a colleague recommended Tim Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage to me. As I read it, I felt quite thankful that the author, a Presbyterian minister, approached relationships both practically and theologically in the same way as I try to share about it. The Meaning of Marriage is packed with devotional thoughts and theological insights with regard to relationships, just as I expected it to be, but it was also full of unexpected insights. For example, in the very first chapter, he cited, “A 1992 study of retirement data shows that individuals who were continuously married had 75 percent more wealth at retirement than those who never married or who divorced and did not remarry.” (p. 16) Another aspect that I particularly appreciated was Keller’s debunking of the romantic idea of “the one.” He perceives this quest for the romantic “soul mate” as meaning, “Today we are looking for someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills our desires, and this creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both the searchers and the searched for.” (p. 25) He goes on to suggest, “The new conception of marriage—as self-realization has put us in a position of wanting too much out of marriage and yet not nearly enough—“ (p. 26). It’s comments like these that often evoke accusatory questions like, “What kind of minister are you?” We’re supposed to have all the positive things to say about relationships, not the realistic and skeptical ones. Yet, Keller is quite realistic in his counsel provided in this book. From a theological perspective, he particularly skewers this search for the ideal partner—drawing from the Genesis 2 verse about cleaving to one’s spouse and the Ephesians and Philippians examples of Christ giving everything. He concludes: “The Christian teaching does not offer a choice between fulfillment and sacrifice but rather mutual fulfillment through mutual sacrifice.” (p. 39) Again, “…the picture of marriage given here is not of two needy people, unsure of their own value and purpose, finding their significance and meaning in one another’s arms. If you add two vacuums to each other, you only get a bigger and stronger vacuum, a giant sucking sound. Rather, Paul assumes that each spouse already has settled the big questions of life—why they were made by God and who they are in Christ.” (p. 44) Of course, a thinking person rarely likes everything in a book. I have a particular problem with the assertion in nearly every book from The Purpose-Driven Life to Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage that the primary purpose of human life is to worship God (p. 51 in this book). That may be true in the broader sense of worship being a recognition of God’s presence and activity in every facet of life, but since most people presuppose worship to be primarily praise and adoration, that doesn’t really cut it. It makes God sound “needy” rather than “generous.” Rather, I contend that when humans are proclaimed to be made in the image of God that this means humans are junior partners in creating and sustaining with God. Living life to the glory of God involves partaking in God’s agenda and not confusing God’s agenda with our “shopping list.” I guess I’m afraid that proclaiming the primary responsibility of humanity is to worship misses the totality of living life in partnership with God rather than being part of a greater unity. But, back to the positives. I loved Keller’s discussion of the “fear of the Lord.” He is one of the few contemporary pastors that explains it as I do. “’Fear’ in the Bible means to be overwhelmed, to be controlled by something. To fear the Lord is to be overwhelmed with wonder before the greatness of God and his love. It means that, because of his bright holiness and magnificent love, you find him ‘fearfully beautiful.’ That is why the more we experience God’s grace and forgiveness, the more we experience a trembling awe and wonder before the greatness of all that he is and has done for us.” (p. 60) Sadly for me, that is clearer than I personally have explained it. What does it have to do with marriage and relationships? It is part of Keller’s fine discussion about how the believer’s relationship with God powers those important relationships of family, marriage, and church. Keller also does a great job of talking about the socio-economic problem of contemporary western attitudes toward marriage. “Sociologists argue that in contemporary Western society, the marketplace has become so dominant that the consumer model increasingly characterizes most relationships that historically were covenantal, including marriage. Today we stay connected to people only as long as they are meeting our particular needs at an acceptable cost to us. When we cease to make a profit—that is, when the relationship appears to require more love and affirmation from us than we are getting back—then we ‘cut our losses’ and drop the relationship.” (p. 73) Then, Keller cites the idea of a marriage covenant from Malachi 2:14, Ezekiel 16:8, and Proverbs 2:17. Hence, he can note, “Love needs a framework of binding obligation to make it fully what it should be. A covenant relationship is not just intimate despite being legal. It is a relationship that is more intimate because it is legal.” (p. 77) This review has focused on theological aspects of marriage, but Keller offers insights on dating, courtship, personality differences, and sex that are very useful both for those contemplating marriage and those trying to make it work to its fullest. Frankly, this is the best book on marriage that I’ve read since my seminary days and that means it gets my highest recommendation.

Tim and Kathy Keller provide us a great resource for the Biblical Theology of Marriage. As a pastor of a church with a demographic of 80% single adults we find that Keller has a great opportunity and need to research and teach on the subject of marriage. His congregation obviously will be thinking about marriage and thinking about whether or not it is a cultural covenant or a Biblical covenant. Keller bases his book on a series of messages that he first gave in 1991, but he has refined those messages over the years and delivered them many times. So, with the background of 37 years of marriage and the many years of counseling others and preaching about marriage he has a profound sense of what our culture, especially our Western Evangelical Church culture, needs to hear. He has taken his messages, refined them and added pertinent data from Christian and secular sources to provide us a great book. Don't neglect to look at his bibliography and download some of the articles that he mentions in the book. Each chapter builds on the previous one. Maybe the best chapter happens to be Chapter Six, Embracing the Other. It is written by Kathy and does a great job of defining the roles of men and women (husbands and wives) in the marriage relationship based on Ephesians 5. It is nice to hear from a woman's perspective how those roles are defined and best played out in marriage. Kathy gives good insights and lots of good information that I plan to incorporate into my pre-marital counseling situations. Chapter seven deals with Singleness and is just as profound as chapter six on providing good and sometimes very new thoughts on how the Bible relates to marriage. Given the fact that Redeemer Church has 80% single adults this chapter is well researched, well written and comes with lots of experience behind it. This is a wonderful chapter. Chapter eight deals with the topic of sex and has great information. This book is a must read for any couple thinking of marriage or for any Christian Counselor who is dealing with people and their marriage issues. Finally, the best principle for me from the book was on page 168 when Keller states that the most powerful tool in any marriage partners arsenal is the gift of "Forgiveness!" That is absolutely true and something that many people forget about. If you have the ability to love your partner, forgive your partner and seek forgiveness from your partner you will succeed in marriage. Well, enough said, stop reading reviews of the book and just buy it, you won't be disappointed.

I think most people get married with hopes that their spouse will be their life-long best friend. I know I did. Tim Keller is hopeful but realistic and gives practical advice to this end. This book addresses singles, soon-to-be wed, and the multiple stages of marriage. I appreciated his presentation that marriage is a rewarding work, becoming a new creation both as individuals and as a couple and his encouragement to understand that your spouse is God’s work in progress and to be part of that work. This book is one of the best I have read on Christian marriage, although Tim Keller’s wordy writing bogged me down at times. I had a few moderate concerns however. In Kathy Keller’s chapter, Embracing the Other, she names sins of hypermasculinity and hyperfemininity. She claims that a woman can be too dependent to the point of idolatry or too independent and thus reject her femininity. The Bible doesn’t present the sin of hypermasculinity or femininity. At best her approach is a poor reduction of gender. I thought there were a few other odd points in this chapter, but seeing sin where the Bible doesn’t is a noteworthy issue. My second concern was the obligation s*x message in chapter 8. Taken in the context of the whole book I think Keller has made it obvious that his challenge to both spouses is to elevate and serve, not trample and take advantage. However this is a subject that has been weaponized in marriage and the obligation instead of mutual message needs to be debunked not reinforced. If a couple is just starting out developing their s*xual personality, dealing with mismatched s*xual desires or experiencing s*xual issues in their marriage I would direct them away from this chapter. “The Gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus CHrist than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will really transform us. Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our Flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it.” Pg 44 “Within this Christian vision for marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me!” Pg 132 “What if, however, you began your marriage understanding its purpose as spiritual friendship for the journey to the new creation? What if you expected marriage to be about helping each other grow out of your sins and flaws into the new self God is creating? Then you will actually be expecting the “stranger” seasons, and when you come to one you will roll up your sleeves and get to work.” Pg 149

The Meaning of Marriage by Tim and Kathy Keller This is the best book I have read on marriage, and I recommend it to anyone from singles who are thinking about dating to those whose marriages are severely strained. It developed out of sermons to Keller's church in NYC that is heavily populated by singles who are marriage skeptics. Singles may have to wait a few chapters to get to Keller's most relevant points for them, but it is worth it. There are some problematic statements that keep this book from "perfect." But a lot of gold nuggets. Like all Tim Keller books, it is thoroughly researched and rich in biblical commentary. My key takeaways: The authors, quoting Duke University professor Stanley Hauerwas: "(W)e always marry the wrong person. We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary problem is . . . learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married." As Keller reiterates: "No two people are compatible." That is the most important takeaway that I find contrary to either what most people under 40 believe today or what culture teaches. As I heard someone put it recently, "we don't just marry one person for life, we marry 30 different people with the same name." Bodies and minds change, preferences and hobbies change, nothing can be predicted. What marriage (ideally) creates is a legal and social commitment of one person to another to support one another through all of those things. This begs the question: Then whom should we marry? The Kellers give some advice, while acknowledging at the beginning of the book that they are personally friends with couples with long marriages among people who are quite different from one another culturally and in personalities. In short, they recommend considering marrying one of your good friends. He recommends finding someone that you can currently see God working in and in which you would enjoy being part of the project. "Ultimately, your marriage partner should be part of what could be called your 'mythos.' C. S. Lewis spoke of a 'secret thread' that unites every person’s favorite books, music, places, or pastimes." "Comprehensive attraction is something that you can begin to sense with people if you deliberately disable the default 'money, looks, and polish' screening mode." When can you begin to be confident you're ready for marriage with your potential spouse? "Have you been through and solved a few sharp conflicts? Have you been through a cycle of repenting and forgiving? Have each of you shown the other that you can make changes out of love for the other?" And are you in a Christian community with other married couples and singles you can learn from and can hold you accountable? Keller deals significantly and usefully with the issue of sex, as many in his congregation have cohabited and our culture strongly suggests that sexual fulfillment as a fundamental right. "One reason we can burn with seemingly uncontrollable sexual passion is because, at the moment, our hearts believe the lie that if we have a great, romantic, sexual experience, we will finally feel deeply fulfilled." "Sex is for fully committed relationships because it is a foretaste of the joy that comes from being in complete union with God through Christ...We look to sex and romance to give us what we used to get from faith in God...Only meeting Christ face-to-face will fill the emptiness in our hearts that sin created when we lost our unbroken fellowship with him." The cautions the authors list about the downsides of sex outside of marriage are both biblical and practical Sex has "power to soften your heart toward another person and make you more trusting." This makes it harder to end the relationship and ignore troubling warning signs. You may trust that a person is faithful, but outside the covenant of marriage that other person has no legal or or social obligation to you. Keller pushes back on a troubling cultural trend noted in surveys of what people want from marriage. Namely, that singles want the freedom to keep being themselves while also demanding a partner who will fulfill them sexually and intellectually without asking for any sacrifices or change. Keller notes "this is antithetical to biblical marriage." The reality is that marriage exposes our selfishness. We see our partner's selfishness and he or she sees ours. Biblical marriage is two people involved in a higher goal of helping the other be more holy. It involves two committed partners building trust while pointing out the sins and selfishness in the other and working towards greater improvement and harmony. "While it is true that some 45 percent of marriages end in divorce, by far the greatest percentage of divorces happen to those who marry before the age of eighteen, who have dropped out of high school, and who have had a baby together before marrying... if you are a reasonably well-educated person with a decent income, come from an intact family and are religious, and marry after twenty-five without having a baby first, your chances of divorce are low indeed.” "All surveys tell us that the number of married people who say they are 'very happy' in their marriages is high—about 61–62 percent—and there has been little decrease in this figure during the last decade." However, the authors make at least one incorrect interpretation of data, stating: "two-thirds of those unhappy marriages out there will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced." It seems to be an incomplete fragment from a survey on a particular datapoint. It cannot logically be the case that 2/3 of all people surveyed at any point of the happiness or despair in their marriage will be happy within five years no matter what, which is how the authors present this fractured datapoint. I say that as someone in a struggling marriage that got worse, not matter, over the last five years of it. In all, I give this book five stars and recommend it to anyone. Christian libraries are filled with marriage books and it seems every known pastor feels obligated to write his own take. But this one eclipses most that I have read so far, and I think Keller's experience with a more diverse and challenging audience in New York really pays off in his writing.

Among many books in the topic of relationship and marriage, Timothy Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage” stands out for its unique perspective of Biblical wisdom. As a pastor of a Presbyterian Church, Timothy framed this book with many selected messages from the Bible. Despite the Christian background, the ideas and guidance from this book are practical and helpful for both believers and nonbelievers. In the discussion of what is marriage, Timothy illustrated that marriage is the miracle of “two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love, and consolation—a haven in a heartless world.” While the space of love sounds really amazing, the real issue is often that the two people are both flawed. However, with the brainwashing of Hollywood and Disney, people are deemed to find “the perfectly compatible person.” While they become disappointed again and again, they forget they themselves are as flawed as well. In result, many are “desperately trapped between both unrealistic longings for and terrible fears about marriage.” Through this book, the author offered many ideas to defend, save, and improve marriage. In Chapter 6, Timothy explicated the wisdom of “embracing the other”: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” - Ephesians 5:22-3 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” - Ephesians 5:25 Here Timothy brought up a discussion of gender difference, which could be a sensitive or controversial topic. From the Biblical perspective, it is just God’s plan to make males and females different. In practical sense, we do see the natural differences between a husband and the wife in terms of thinking, talking, functioning, and behaviors. According to the author, a key to happy marriage is to follow God’s plan “for married couples involves embracing the otherness to make us unified, …” You just need to read this book to see the whole passage. Another interesting topic from this book is about sex and marriage. As implied in God’s message saying “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh,” the author elucidated that “sex is perhaps the most powerful God-created way to help you give your entire self to another human being. Sex is God’s appointed way for two people to reciprocally say to one another, ‘I belong completely, permanently, and exclusively to you.’” Overall, this is a wonderful book filled with practical advice and timeless wisdom for love and marriage. I’d recommend this book to people who are in a relationship and expect to build a loving family. One takeaway from this book is, - you will never find a perfect partner, but you can have a long-lasting happy marriage if you are willing to love, embrace, and give.