Love's Executioner: And Other Tales of Psychotherapy

I first read Love's Executioner a few years ago and was so taken with it, I've recommended it dozens of times. Recently, I listened to the audio version Love's Executioner: & Other Tales of Psychotherapy , which was great (it also includes an interesting interview with Irvin Yalom) and I heard some things I hadn't picked up when reading it. In fact, I realized this work has such depth, it is worth revisiting again and again. What makes it so good? It contains the wisdom of a master existential therapist, who is also a gifted storyteller (Love's Executioner is non-fiction, based on real case histories, but it reads like fine fiction). And what is existential psychotherapy? It begins with the idea that our fundamental psychological dis-ease results from difficulties baked into human existence, such as our fear of death and our ultimate aloneness. Or as Yalom writes in Love's Executioner prologue: There are "four givens that are particularly relevant to psychotherapy: the inevitability of death for each of us and for those we love, the freedom to make our lives as we will, our ultimate aloneness, and, finally, the absence of any obvious meaning or sense to life. However grim these givens may seem, they contain the seeds of wisdom and redemption. I hope to demonstrate, in these ten tales of psychotherapy, that it is possible to confront the truths of existence and harness their power in the service of personal change and growth." * That paragraph captures the core blueprint of the book, but if you stopped there you'd be missing out. Like all great artists, Yalom brings those essential issues to life so you feel them in your bones. He stops our breath through the stories, intimate details, and insights into the lives of some of his extraordinary patients (or sometimes "ordinary"ish, but made extraordinary in Yalom's capable hands). The tender truth often shimmers in Love's Executioner. We see the art of psychotherapy, and thus living, practiced by a master, both as a writer and a guide to how to midwife psychological wisdom. Other reviewers here have pointed out that Love's Executioner is must reading for therapists and those undergoing psychotherapy. This is true, and Yalom, is understandably a rock star among therapist, not just for his skillful prose (he is also an accomplished novelist), but his textbooks that have been read by at least two generations of therapists. But it would be a shame if this masterwork--and I do believe it's fair to call Love's Executioner his master work--weren't read by everyone. For it has something for everyone: whether you like fiction or non-fiction. Lovers of fiction get the storytelling and intimacy of a great novel. Readers of non-fiction know these are stories of real patients and get actionable take-aways. As noted, I plan to reread or relisten to this book periodically, knowing I'll pick up something new each time. Books don't get much better than this. * In Love's Executioner, Yalom notes that he doesn't belong to a psychological school of thought. Since I see existential psychological dilemmas as true for everyone, regardless of your philosophical or religious beliefs, I tend to agree with him. That said, I do believe this is still an outlook, and that there will be others with a different outlook that will consider existential therapy a school of thought. -I originally got a promotional/review copy of the audiobook, but think it is so good, I got extra copies and have given copies to friends and coworkers.

Along with a mountain of other texts, this book was required reading in my first psychotherapy course. I was enrolled in a PhD program in clinical psychology, with a relatively strict orientation towards cognitive behavioral therapy. One of my concerns was that I would have to assume a persona, a guy in a labcoat with a clipboard. The most powerful impact Yalom's book had on me as a young therapy student was the understanding that who I am as a person both would and should impact who I am as a therapist. I felt liberated. Yes, I needed to have a philosophical/theoretical foundation to the work I would do with clients, but who I was would influence the work that I did. I experienced the "narcissism" that so appalled some reviewers as breathtaking honesty. We are all of us human. Any therapist who reports being free of all unacceptable responses to clients, of never having a thought or engaging in an exchange that was more a function of one's own history and struggles is either deluded or a liar. Should doing therapy with clients be a substitute for addressing all of one's own foibles? Absolutely not, nor does Yalom suggest as much. However, a therapist who experiences clients as "less than," people from whom we can learn nothing, fills me with far more dread than a therapist who acknowledges an ignoble response to a client or the fact that s/he is also imperfect and capable of prejudice. None of us who is honest can say that we have each and every one of these reactions and prejudices perfectly catalogued or perfectly conquered. Life is about growth. I don't think we're supposed to stop doing that until we enter the Great Dirt Nap. As for those upset by some of his revelations, (e.g., to the "fat lady," his internal sexual response to female clients) I have two questions: 1) Prior to achieving sublime self-actualization wherein I no longer have such inappropriate responses, just what *should* I do about them? Pretend they aren't there? Engage in self-flagellation like a medieval monk? Well, a wise person knows where these approaches lead; 2) Do you really think that the 20 or so pages of each vignette actually encompasses every important aspect of the therapy, or is Yalom attempting to address some very limited themes and issues? It has been about 18 years since I first read Yalom's book and let me say that I do not conduct therapy as Dr. Yalom does. First, I am not Irvin Yalom, nor have I ever tried to be Irvin Yalom. Secondly, the ugly reality of the field of psychotherapy today is that unless one exclusively services the very wealthy (something I am not willing to do--behold one of my own unconquered prejudices), we are very limited as to the time we can spend with our clients. I still consider myself to be a cognitive-behavioral therapist, an orientation of which Yalom is not a big fan. I also have some disagreements with Yalom regarding the value of diagnosis and other matters. But in addition to the early liberation I described above, Yalom's wonderful book has helped me to be less doctrinaire, more flexible, willing to embrace alternate approaches and more client-focused, more accepting of my own imperfections and understanding the absolute necessity of addressing them. I think I'm a damned good therapist, and I thank Yalom and this book for setting me on the road. When starting work with an intern, I typically give them a copy of this book. As a goodbye, I give a copy of Yalom's The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients . The latter is an excellent selection of brief lessons in conducting psychotherapy and is also highly recommended. I can't guarantee that every psychotherapist-in-training or practicing psychotherapist who reads them will have a transforming experience, but I would hope that at minimum one would pick up an idea or two that will positively impact your practice in the future.

Looks old but nothing scribbled in the book.

very interesting book, for therapists or anyone else who wants to have an interesting and dramatic read

The writing kept me curious. The words carry the energy of learning but also you become absorbed with the characters. It s as if you are following a film as the description is quite amazing.

An informative and thought-provoking review of the progress of 10 psychotherapy patients. Fascinating. At least for someone who finds people and their motivations and the reasons behind the development of their quirks and personalities to be interesting. This book is all the more intriguing for being written by a qualified and experienced psychiatrist. One who is also a skilled writer. His honesty about his own foibles and feelings further draw in the reader, offering security in the reliability of the assessments presented. There is the flavor of mystery in each chapter as the reader is drawn in and carried along on the adventure of unraveling the explanation of each patient’s presenting complaint, as well as seeking insight into the patient’s style of interacting or resistance or refusal to participate in therapy. Plus the writer’s efforts to customize his approach to each patient in order to connect and achieve therapeutic ends. Surely these insights are applicable in more pragmatic terms to interactions with people in daily life. The introduction may be a bit dry, at least for the non- therapist, so the reader should stick with it to the beginning of the first chapter to give this terrific book a fair chance.

Many of the reviewers have already discussed the details of the stories so I am going to keep my comments on Dr.Yalom's therapeutic approach. Being a psychiatrist myself, and having the luxury of receiving and giving therapy, I will say that Dr.Yalom's brutal honesty, his grasp of transference and countertransference, his humbleness in acknowledging his own blunders is simply breathtaking. He is a breath of fresh air as most psychotherapist, and analysts in particular have truly a hard time acknowledging their mistakes. You hear about their patients' transference but never about their own countertransference. Dr.Yalom bares it all. Reading him made me feel like I am back in supervision with an excellent teacher who truly knows what therapeutic relationship is. Most of us believe that it is our interpretation of patients fantasies and dreams that bring about change. The reality is most changes come about by the patients' own hard work and we only provide the safe environment for that to occur. Dr.Yalom humbly acknowledges that time and time again. His departure from fixed rigid rules, sometimes holding someone's hand, hugging someone, extending therapy session, reducing fee or not charging fee are all great examples of a therapist who is truly engaged with that particular patient and for every patient he creates a new therapeutic relationship. There is no cookie-cutter models, or algorithms for therapy. A must for all therapists, therapists in training and people interested in therapy.

For those of you with little time I'll get right to it - Yalom's a great writer, probably a good researcher and a lousy therapist - all by my sole opinion and the evidence of one book of reading by the guy, and his bibliography. The book is engaging, there are moments of brilliance that emerge in his work with patients (trust me these are patient folks ...) and even some interesting aspect of reading Yalom's revelations which account for the greatest part of the book. Simply put this is as another reviewer on Amazon's website put it, "an intellectual masturbatory confessional." This guy (Yalom) is on with himself. He is one of the most self-important characters I've ever come across in my reading. He has the typical "Graves Six Type" penchant for revelation, hedonism and the projection of caring about - and in this case even for - others. The reality is more like he's all about making sure he's okay with what's going on at every moment in his story. His patient's therapy is his chance to get paid for doing his own personal development. Two pieces of evidence for me: One his long diatribe on how "countertransference" is for the psychotherapist what "balance' is for the ballet dancer. His take on countertransference is the psychotherapist's inability to get out their own way in the therapy and their need to work on this - in Yalom's case at least at the expense (literally) of the patient. Two, is his constant internal revelations about how he's experiencing the patient's therapy, about his sense of pleasure or ease or satisfaction in doing therapy with this particular patient or another. This guy is off with himself!!! What a hedonistic fool ... in the classical sense of fool. However, there is a redeeming quality to this book and a reason to read it in my opinion. It is an excellent example of why more "traditional" forms of psychotherapy (the "fifty minute" hour type spread over twenty of so years ...) has fallen off, and it's not the "fault" of HMOs and PPOs despite what these professionals want to claim and their endless lament that the world's not fair (to them or to their patients - of course without their patients how would they entertain themselves and know they are okay in the world?) especially in the face of competition from "newer" human development technology. It is also, again in my opinion, an excellent primer in some of what NOT TO DO in helping others. What's described is how Yalom so often takes months of his patient's time getting to meaningful work with them, often taking months just to build a suitable level of rapport to do the work the patient requires and desires ... what they are paying him for specifically. He so often describes taking this time because he doesn't want to hurt the patient's feelings or have them think badly of him ... This guy's supposed to be a professional therapist, not only that but one of the best of the best ... and his concern is that he's too incompetent to get his result without hurting his patient's feelings or that they might not think well of him. What's worse is that this guy teaches and supervises other student therapists. The most egregious display of incompetence you can learn from here is how easy it could be for those so inclined to make this work of helping others into a form of working on themselves ... and endlessly so. I am of the opinion that although the healer is also human, and that this humanness is a powerful force in being of help to others, that the work done with others is NOT THE PLACE for doing one's own work ... whatever that might be. Finally, after making sure he's okay, having fun and that his patient's think well of him he begins the actual work with them often only getting to the "remedy" in the last few weeks of months of preparatory therapy. What I know from both professional experience and education is that this kind of transformational work can be accomplished often in the first session with a client. However, I must also say again that I am not a psychotherapist, not trained in psychotherapy ... and maybe this is ultimately what I learned most from Yalom - I don't need to be one nor do I want to be one ... if this is the result I could expect in being one, kind of like the purple cow of professions ... if Yalom's descriptions can indeed be held as the template of what psychotherapy is about and what psychotherapists are actully like in the privacy of their own thoughts. In the end there are other examples of "doing therapy" in literature that are much better examples of what can be accomplished by a highly trained individual who less concerned about what he's thinking and what his "patients" think of him than in moving their patients/clients lives forward. Just do a search under brief therapy or solution-oriented therapy and you'll get a list of suggestions there to begin. If your penchant is for "deep" therapy, which you believe requires months or years to get to there are also those therapists doing that kind of work without the need to hold the patient/client in place as a kind of manikin for themselves and their own work. I'd recommend "The Case of Nora" by Moshe Feldenkris as a great piece of therapy literature as an example of the kind of work that is possible with a client in the hands and mind of a master therapist.

Irvin Yalom's books are so pleasant to read. It's like eating a bag of crisps. Except for the extra cholesterol. On the opposite, his books make you grow healthier. They definitely make you want to become a therapist, an old and wise one! It took me a while to realise this book was written 20 years ago. Nothing seems out of date, except the absence of cell phones and google searches. These 10 short stories are excellent bedtime stories I would recommend to anyone who's not afraid to look in a mirror.

Interesting read

An amazing book for psychology lovers.

For anyone studying counselling or anyone interested in the honest workings of the human mind, this is a really moving, helpful and insightful book

Es exactamente como lo esperaba, de la calidad que se espera por el precio. Pasta blanda, y la lectura super recomendable!!