Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse

This book reads as if a friend wrote it to you. Gave me such a new perspective. Validated so many things that I was made to feel crazy about. This book helped me out of a very dark place and helped me see what I couldn’t due to the abusive relationship I was in. I am forever grateful to the man who wrote it. May God rest his beautiful soul.

This is a really good book. It’s inspiring, easy to understand, and helpful for healing and self-growth. I’m glad I bought it and would recommend it to others.

I was recommended this book by my therapist and I'm glad she did! She's read it several times! I'm so into it and I'm learning and discovering things about myself I didn't realize..or didn't want to but needed to!

This book is amazing, let me start with that. I've already recommended it to 5 people, 4 of which who went out and bought it after I showed them three specific pages. It is very insightful, and has a lot of useful knowledge. My only issue is that the author used what appears to be fake conversations with people as if he was a therapist (Although he notes in his book that he is absolutely not that). In these "conversations" he writes about, I got the feeling that he often inserts himself as a superiority figure because HE himself has been able to realize whatever message he is trying to get across, but this poor poor soul does not yet realize what he does. So he assigns the person some supposed "homework" to work on the issues even though he is not a therapist himself. He will often state the issues of trying to play therapist to other people throughout this book, but I feel like he lacks his own self reflection and ability to call himself out on his own bull. I feel like he has a bit of his own ego inserted into the book that is surprising to see throughout all of the other very helpful information. Here is one example I am speaking of: Pg. 58 "That sounds so difficult," I said. "What are you doing to explore that sensation?" "Well, I've joined a lot of online communities for people recovering from narcissistic abuse. That's already been helpful" Then she smiles. "Of course, you already know that, because you run one." I laughed. "I guess I have a little bit of experience. What sort of stuff do you talk about on the websites?" .... What a "subtle" humble brag lmao. In this example he goes on to patronize her for feeling like shes an empath (As he mocks empaths quite a bit in this book. I am not even an empath but I was a bit disgusted to hear him mock them as if they're less than) and gives her more "homework" on how to sit with the void she is truly feeling. The thing is, the advice he is giving is not bad, nor is it necessarily "wrong" I just feel like you see a lot of the author's ego when you see his "conversations" with people that don't really seem like they are conversations that a normal person would have. Throughout this ego-stroke of a book, there is a lot of very insightful information that I really value. I have literally been raving about this to almost anyone I think it would be applicable for. My only complaints come from the fact that he is not a licensed professional who is trying to help people through only his own experiences, which I understand personal experience is valuable, but I feel like you need to do more source citing if you are going to write a book like this. Where does your therapeutic knowledge come from? There are many areas where I would love to see citing but the author is claiming all of these ideas as his original thoughts by often times not providing any. And maybe they are his original thoughts? But I am wondering why he doesn't have some sort of higher level education to back this up with some of the claims and explanations to behaviors that he provides. Overall, it's a great book and I don't want to take away from that. If you are trying to work through an emotionally abusive relationship, I really recommend this book. This was a good conversation starter for my therapist and I, and was an even better conversation started for my current boyfriend and I to work through potential co-dependency issues together by dealing with core issues independently. This is the first book that I've read that finally clicks. I've wondered what has been wrong with myself for the longest time, and now I understand. As much as I hate the author's ego, I am very appreciative to him for writing such a great book. It truly is a new perspective that I haven't thought of, and I will continue to recommend this to anyone and everyone.

I purchased this book in 2020, and I have read it four different times in two years. I have read other reviews from people who said that they found this book confusing or discouraging to read and they do not recommend the book. I wholeheartedly disagree. I believe these people are blocking/dismissing the content out of fear. This book has many layers within it. It examines core wounds, shame, abusive relationships, boundaries, personality disorders, self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and forgiveness. I read this book four different times in two years because I realized I had to be ready to receive and understand the content within the book. When I first read it, I appreciated one angle, but could not register the other angles. My brain blocked out abstract and painful concepts. Every time I took a step forward or experienced a painful yet significant growth in my healing journey, I reread this book. The a-ha happened. The next layer of content within the book registered for me. It clicked. The content notes that a person needs to sit with discomfort and pain in order to grieve the loss of a relationship, as well as come to a radical acceptance that the relationship was abusive and that it is non-repairable. I had to be ready to digest that truth and experience, and it takes time to get to that place. I have many books on healing from toxic relationships. I’ve attended many hours of therapy and workshops. This book affirms all that I’ve learned about healing from a traumatic relationship: self-examination, self-acceptance, grief, mindfulness, and boundaries. I hope this book helps you as much as it helps me. I read it whenever I need to get back on track and/or feel affirmed. I’m grateful for this book.

Especially valuable are the separate sections for Codependency and Cluster B Abuse Survivors, which means the survivors among us with codependency get twice as much worth out of this book. Then again... I guess we do have twice the damage. Nevertheless! Awesome book and wish there were more like it.

This book is the seamless continuation of Jackson MacKenzie's book "Psychopath Free". The focus here is entirely shifted to the healing process. The saying "Time heals all wounds" is not true for survivors of toxic relationships. The advice "Just get over it" does not work either. A breakup from a relationship with an abusive character leaves an emotional wound in the victim that doesn't heal by itself. To cover this wound the body and mind create a subconscious work-around that takes over which is called "protective self". But this creates new problems, e.g. seeking worthiness in accomplishments, people pleasing, care taking, perfectionism, or even addictions to distract from painful feelings and emotions. Jackson MacKenzie plausibly and authentically describes how this wound can be healed permanently. Different personality types will find tailored explanations how to identify the patterns of the protective self, to deconstruct it, and finally to resolve the wound. These sections provide the insights to develop the proper mind-set and to shift the perspective about the abuse and abuser. It is the shift from "I'm a bad, unworthy person" to "It happened to me, but it has nothing to do with my person". Based on this new perspective and understanding, healing is finally possible. Reading this book alone does not heal. Healing is not a cognitive process of logical thinking either. To become whole again means feeling your feelings and releasing them by practicing mindful meditation on a daily basis. Eventually external measures of worth are replaced by healthy unconditional self-love from within yourself. Thank you Jackson MacKenzie for writing these two great books!

Of all the psychobabble books I've been through this one makes a lasting impression, particularly in Chapter 3, which I've traversed half a dozen times, each time gaining further clarity. If you've been "walking on egg shells" or survived a Cluster B personal relationship, or really want to know how to get over yourself via undoing the "Protective self" then this is a breakthrough book second to none, and I've done plenty of others before this, and since. But I keep on going back and even though I started with the Audiobook, I purchased the hard copy for absolute clarity on the many revisions I've done of the material. BREAKTHROUGH NOW!

I struggled to get into this book at the beginning but it’s definitely worth reading. I’ve read several books on similar subject matter of Narcissism, Sociopathy & Psychopathy, but all written by experienced psychologist, they are experts within their niche fields. Jackson, seemingly wasn’t an expert or a psychologist, but this doesn’t diminish his works and contributions (actually that is what is so appealing). I like his writing style, the layout and chapters are less structured and organised as the books written by psychologists. Yet, this book is incredibly insightful and I think that’s the reason it’s so good, it’s written by someone that isn’t a psychologist. He’s clearly done vast research and reflecting upon his own personal experiences. He was clearly a very intelligent and observant person. I’ve read some amazing books on similar subject matter but this one is helping me understand her and why she abandoned me and why she hurt me internally so much. When I first purchased this I learned of the authors suicide and I insensitively wondered if that would diminish his work… did he give up on the struggle of life… so how can he be lecturing us about healing ourselves and remaining to heal our core wound??? This seems to be my ignorance and insensitivity as this book is worthy. I can’t help but think Jackson had so much to offer us all and so much life could of offered to him, in return. Such a loss. Update: having since finished the book and am beginning to read it again. Such a remarkable human being. Jackson’s’ compassion, understanding and insights have transformed my mindset and have helped me a lot. I doubt that empty internal feeling that appeared after meeting a cluster-b girl, will ever fully dissipate. Although at least I have a realistic understanding of what happened now. I’ve learned about myself but mainly about her too. I’m healing myself and it’s not my obligation to heal her. I’m sorry that she is deeply wounded, I genuinely tried to heal her but she abandoned me and that’s fine. That’s absolutely her choice and people ought to be free to do whatever they want to. People have no obligation to treat you kindly, they can treat you like garbage if they wish to. You can also be emotionally destroyed as a result of their behaviour towards you, you can (and should) search for answers as to why this occurred and I’m glad that I was internally hurt so deeply by her, as it demonstrated to me that I do deeply care, I posses a sensitivity and desire to learn and a willingness to love… even if it’s not reciprocated.

Even though I’m a published writer with an an MFA from a top-ranked program, I’m embarrassed to say that I don’t write reviews often. However, I absolutely must write a review for this book I just finished reading. My god. I actually cried when I read the last sentence of the book—CRIED at the end of a self-help book! I mean, I cried throughout the book because this book makes you do a lot of emotional/psychological work. Why else would you get this book if you didn’t need to do that? I’m assuming that you need to do a lot of work psychologically if you’re looking at this title, and I’m guessing that maybe you’ve looked at and probably read a lot of books like this. Let me tell you that this book stands out from the rest in the way this author speaks to his reader. Forget the fact that he is not a licensed psychotherapist or psychiatrist. His personal experience as an abuse survivor and the work he did on his first book, Psychopath Free, and the nonprofit he created stemming from that has allowed him to develop the frank, no-bs, straight-talking voice that he uses to impart the great stores of knowledge, wisdom, and research that he shares with his readership. And he makes no claims to how easy or quick your recovery is going to be. This is hard work—but oh so worth it. I take copious notes, and that is why the Kindle edition worked best for me. I love highlighting, in different colours for different types of notes, the amazing passages in the book. The author’s writing can be beautiful, lyrical, and amazingly poignant and insightful at times. I was just stunned by the way he creates images that really struck me and stuck in me, so that his important concepts would not be lost. My deep depression often has often caused memory loss and brain fog, but his sometimes poetic style—which is not to be confused with convoluted or pompous language, but rather just vivid and crisp—really makes you remember his key concepts that apply to your context and situation. He employs conversations and scenarios with clients to provide examples of different personality disorders and how concepts like “protective self” and “core wound” play into contexts of abuse, reactions, and how to heal oneself and keep up the healing. I recommend this book to anyone who has grown up with a narcissistic parent like I have, who has been in a toxic relationship like I have, who has had a narcissistic boss or teacher like I have...any sort of abusive relationship, and is feeling long-term effects that basically destroyed you. I’m not bragging but merely stating facts when I say that by all accounts of my friends, I am an attractive, intelligent (I have two Master’s degrees from highly reputable universities), multitasking and highly globally networked, strong-willed woman with three children, yet because I grew up with a narcissistic mother and alcoholic and violent father, and all my partners were narcissistic to varying degrees, I have nearly all personality disorders listed in this book and have been going through the deepest depression and avoidance disorder of my life. But for all my achievements, I feel like a giant zero, nothing, smear on the ground. I want to crawl under my bed. I give myself an F in the mom category... Yes, that’s oversharing, and that is talked about in the book (LOL), but I’m also a memoirist, and so this is okay by me. The point is, I also am into helping people a lot (which is also talked about in the book), and I’m here to tell you to get this book because it was my light in the longest tunnel of my life. The author also runs a vital Facebook page based on his first book, Psychopath Free, and I recommend you liking that if you’re on Facebook. I will now step off my podium. Thank you.